Each year feels like opening a journal for the first time, but instead of just staring at the blank pages, you’re forced to fill it out. Each day is another page and it’s going to turn no matter what you do.
How do you write your story?
I’ve worked my first Real Girl Job™ for a year and a half now. And I’m fortunate to have a job where there’s a strict distinction between when I’m working and when I’m not. It doesn’t bleed into my life outside of work. Each day I have one project and once it’s done, it’s done and I can’t go back and redo it.
To me, the repetitive nature of my work and the blank pages of the metaphorical journal, are one and the same. Each day I fill out the journal with whatever happens and the page turns no matter what. Regardless if I like what’s been written, there’s always going to be another fresh page. Whatever the next year brings, I can control most of what I write. It’s freeing and intimidating.
As a child, and even a bit now, I always felt reluctant to write something in any new journal because I didn’t want all of the pages to be burdened with a sole purpose. I didn’t want my first entry to define the rest of the pages. During 2023 I tried to release that type of hold over the pages. If the pages want to be ideas for short films, that’s okay, if they want to be emotional journal entries, that’s okay, if they want to be my shoddy attempt at poetry, that works too.
As the physical pages start to loosen up in their purpose, I find myself trying to let go of some of that constant order I try enforcing on my life. I’m trying to release the choking grasp I have on ideas of who I am, who I need to be and what I need to accomplish in order for my life to have meaning. So much of my trouble is with stepping back and letting go.
So this year, I’m going to challenge myself to loosen my grip just a bit. To let things outside of my control go, and to manage and maintain the few things that I actually have control over: primarily my reactions to things and the way I treat others.
It will be a challenge, but something that I think will bring me an ongoing sense of peace, and hopefully an unflappable interior calm. I also hope it keeps me grounded in times of stress and helps me prioritize things that are actually within my power to change.
As I look back on last year’s metaphorical journal, I’m content with the pages and the story that I chose to write. I had special experiences with seeing good friends & family, taking memorable trips, and pushing myself on projects that satisfy me.
I don’t remember metaphorically writing out each page, but as I look back, each piece of the year ended up working out, no matter what I did to try and control it. Going back to relinquishing control, I have 2023 as proof it all works out.
It wouldn’t be a New Year’s post if I didn’t touch on my goals for 2024. I hope to continue pursuing my passion for writing, continue prioritizing my physical wellness - exercising, eating right, and getting enough sleep. And I challenge myself to actually take steps toward fulfilling my dreams.
There’s magic in the air tonight as we look out towards our empty journals. I hope you can feel it too.
Until next time.
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